Pure magic

The big day arrived. April 12th 2012. I went to the hospital together with my parents, brother, sister-in-law and cousin. My whole family. We were calm and optimistic. We had to wait several hours. I wasn’t scared at all. My mother stayed with me while I was getting dressed for the surgery, once more. When they were just about to take me into the operating room, lying down in the stretcher, I held my mother’s hand and told her, “Mom, I’m very calm, so I want all of you to be calm as well”.

I entered the operating room with a deep feeling of serenity and peace. I was in the best hands. I relaxed and let go. Whatever the result, it would be the best possible one. It was not in my hands. I let myself be rocked by the anesthesia with deep surrender.

Upon awakening, already in Intensive Therapy Unit, my parents, surgeon and oncologist visited me. All of them smiling and euphoric. Still under the effects of the anesthesia and opiate painkillers, I couldn’t understand what they were saying to me. What I did understand was that there were good news. Only the day after I knew... They were able to remove the whole tumor and preserved my lungs, diaphragm and rib. Not even the doctors could believe such a success. We learned then that the chemotherapy had worked silently. It couldn’t be seen in the tomographies because the tumor always appeared in the same size, but it had killed the cancerous cells and stopped them from spreading.

Definitely, the universe conspired on my side. The White Dragon had cuddled me, illuminating all of us with its light of vital energy.

My family and friends were happy and relieved. On the contrary, I still had to focus on my recovery after surgery. I spent 5 long days in Intensive Therapy Unit. With only a couple of hours a day of visits allowed, loneliness and atemporality of that room played some bad tricks on my mind. I will be forever grateful to the nurses who were my caretakers and guardian angels. Specially Félix, who bathed me every morning in bed, since I couldn’t move. He would listen to me and spoke with encouraging words making my mind return to calm waters. It’s not easy to be lying down in an Intensive Care bed, plugged in to several machines all around my body and without the warmth of my beloved ones.

But all things pass and on the fifth day I was moved to a regular room. It had a big window with a beautiful view and loads of natural light. I could be visited all day long and, once again, the love of my people gave me strength.

I spent 13 days in hospital, with 2 drainage tubes right into my thorax. During this post surgery period another chapter started in this story. The one in which I had to accommodate my mind to such a good and unexpected news. It was by far the best possible scenario and, as twisted as it sounds, I had to get used to it. Everything I had been said for months about my future living with cancer had been transformed. Now a bright new future awaited, one full of life and hope. Leaving behind the condition of being ill changed everything around me.

As if all the good news weren’t enough, the anatomical pathology (lab analysis of the tumor removed in surgery) showed that there remained no trace of cancerous cells. The surgeon closed our last meeting saying, “Carla, now go out and get drunk and celebrate!” Then, the oncologist told me, “It couldn't possibly be better, so don’t bother us any more with this!” I love the sense of humor. It’s healing. It was a very important resource for me during all the process of my illness. I used to laugh and joke about myself even in the worst moments. Having doctors with great sense of humor helped me cope with it all.

I didn’t beat death. We all know that nobody beats it. Sooner or later it wins. What I won is this huge battle, but the most important thing is that life gave me a second chance. I won the chance to grow up, to connect with the deepest and most genuine part of myself. I was able to rearrange my scale of values and understand which things are really important to me. I had the chance to prove the immense amount of love we have among each other with my family and friends and shout it out loud for everybody to hear it. I could prove that energy is powerful and healing. I deeply understood that life is right here right now. That it’s good to have dreams and plans, but always knowing that nothing is granted. I don’t take things for granted any more and I learned that uncertainty is part of life. I learned that we can be happy and joyful even during the most difficult and hostile moments in life. I toast to all this... Cheers!