During my chemotherapy sessions I would improvise some visualization exercises. I would talk to the tumor, without feelings of hate or resentment, but with pure love. I requested it to leave my body, to leave peacefully. I imagined a lot of light filling my thorax with vital energy, occupying the spaces that the tumor left empty.
Once a week I had reiki sessions. I clearly felt how I recovered and recycled my energy. Every now and then I shared with a friend some visualization exercises, some meditation and breathing techniques. I also continued practicing yoga every time my health allowed me.
After 2 months of chemotherapy, it was time to see the results. I went to see my oncologist with the tomography exam. My parents and my beloved cousin Mauricio came with me. I was anxious to know the result and I fantasized that so much suffering with the chemos would give the magical result of making the tumor disappear.
Reality struck me again. The tumor had not shrunk. It was the exact size as before. The oncologist kept telling me to see the positive side of it, which was that it didn’t spread. I could only focus on my frustration after such a big effort done with chemos. I was devastated and feared I was not going to heal. Chemotherapy didn’t reduce the tumor; therefore, they couldn’t operate me. I was condemned to live all my life with the tumor inside of me, begging it didn’t grow, going through periodical medical examinations and trying different and eventually new drugs in order to try to control the cancer from spreading.
I felt at a dead end street, but I wasn’t going to stay passive waiting to see what would happen. I had to lead my own way, dig everywhere possible until I found a better solution. It was a matter of life or death, literally speaking.
I decided to seek advice from another doctor, one of the most prestigious oncologists in Argentina. I went to see him carrying my luggage full of tomographies, x-rays, blood tests and all sorts of medical exams I accumulated along those 5 months since this trip started. The doctor recommended doing 3 more chemotherapy sessions and then evaluate the possibility of surgery. As I heard those words I trembled. Mixed emotions overtook me. On one hand, I was devastated by the idea of going through chemo again. On the other hand, a sparkle of hope lit again with the possibility of a surgery.
All of a sudden I knew I had the strength and tenacity to bear it, so I accepted the challenge once again.
>> Chapter 07: New breeze and hope renewed
No comments:
Post a Comment