tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6012328985316827522024-03-14T00:05:11.111-03:00The journey of the White DragonChronicles of my passage through cancerCarla Carpossihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05278749476944164355noreply@blogger.comBlogger10125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-601232898531682752.post-48525450054482722862012-11-10T14:05:00.000-03:002012-11-10T14:26:41.276-03:00Who am I now?<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">May 12th 2012. Today it’s been 1 month since my surgery. That was maybe the date of my rebirth. A rebirth that began long time ago and made sense around mid June 2011.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">A few months before, I had agreed with a friend who lives in New York, to swap houses for 2 months. He would stay in my flat in Buenos Aires and I would stay in his in Manhattan. For a travelling soul as I am, the plan was perfect. I would work from there and get to know New York in detail. I could imagine myself being part of that city, taking my yoga classes, dancing salsa music and rolling along Central Park on my roller skates.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">A couple of weeks before my trip, I went to see my General Practitioner because of an allergy. I didn’t want it to disturb me during my stay in New York. As a routine he ordered a chest x-ray. That day of mid June 2011, when I took the result of the x-ray to my GP, everything changed. When he saw it, after a silence that lasted forever and that I will never forget, he said that he found something he didn’t like and ordered a tomography. He said it might be nothing, but suggested me to cancel my trip to New York, just in case. That was 10 days before my trip...</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">When my plan was to be boarding a plane I found myself, instead, at my GP’s, once more, carrying the result of the tomography. This is how we found out that our suspicion was right. I had a tumor in my left pleura (membrane investing the lungs). It could still be benign, although deep inside me I started to prepare myself for the worst. Another journey was about to begin, a very different one from the original one I had planned, the most frightful I could ever imagine but, at the same time, the deepest and most enlightening one in my whole life.</span></span><br />
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<a href="http://journeyofthewhitedragon.blogspot.com/2012/11/circle-of-love.html"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">>> Chapter 02: Circle of love</span></span></a>Carla Carpossihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05278749476944164355noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-601232898531682752.post-86006942452079162022012-11-10T14:02:00.000-03:002012-11-10T14:26:12.690-03:00Circle of love<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Everything was getting dark around me. I was trapped in this darkness that started to destroy my entire world. At that point my main concern was how to face my family and friends with this news, in case the worst-case scenario of a malign tumor was confirmed. I feared they wouldn’t be able to cope with it and that it would break them apart. They were the most important people in my life. I felt guilty.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">First of all I told my friend Georgina. Second, my parents and brother. One by one, the news spread. This was how a giant circle of love and energy was built. It was spontaneous and magical, a supportive network that held me and gave me strength to face the worst demons.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Today I know that circle of love was key to my healing.</span></span><br />
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<a href="http://journeyofthewhitedragon.blogspot.com/2012/11/uncertainty.html"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">>> Chapter 03: Uncertainty</span></span></a>Carla Carpossihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05278749476944164355noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-601232898531682752.post-68993339613280094442012-11-10T13:59:00.001-03:002013-11-29T16:21:02.358-03:00Uncertainty<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">The next big step was to face a surgical biopsy. We needed a diagnosis to start a treatment.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Since all this began I had a strong feeling that my whole world as I knew it was torn apart, that everything I had built was suddenly falling apart. All my inner structures, everything I took for granted was swept away like in a mud avalanche. My life was turned upside down. Uncertainty ruled at that point and death was something that might not only happen to others.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">As a consequence of this tsunami of feelings I started to reflect on some very profound issues, at least for me. I felt naked facing the future and I needed to put myself together. There was no choice other than dealing with whatever came and I decided to give the best of me for that.</span></span><br />
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<a href="http://journeyofthewhitedragon.blogspot.com/2012/11/the-surgery.html"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">>> Chapter 04: The surgery</span></span></a>Carla Carpossihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05278749476944164355noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-601232898531682752.post-84710052937711503712012-11-10T13:57:00.002-03:002012-11-10T14:25:17.043-03:00The surgery<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">I prepared myself mentally and emotionally for the surgery. For many years I had been on therapy with a psychologist and it was there where I spoke about my fears and nightmares crudely. I cried a lot during those times and I was very scared. Despite this, I tried to fill myself with positive energy and strength to face the surgery.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">In this context I decided to celebrate... Celebrate life in present time without thinking about the future. I invited my friends to a party in my house. I called it the “pre-surgery party”. We danced, listened to music, laughed and celebrated that we were together and fine “right here, right now”. It wasn’t denial; it was an instinct I always have to enjoy life every moment.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">The date of July 19th 2011 at dawn I was at the hospital with my parents and brother, waiting to be taken into the operating room. As it’s typical in my family, we took it with humor. That made the wait easier to endure.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">I got into the operating room literally trembling in fear. It was supposed to be a quick and easy procedure, but it ended being more complicated and longer. Since the moment I woke up I was in a hell of pain. With the little breath I had (my left lung had to be collapsed during surgery and in the following days it got back to it’s normal size and function), I kept crying and begging for more painkillers, until they couldn’t give me more since I was given morphine and they couldn’t raise the dose.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Those first 24 hours post surgery were the most frightening and physically painful of my whole life. I cried in pain and my cherished family and friends did the impossible to calm me down. The power of love made it possible and they gave me strength to start recovering.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">I spent 7 days in hospital, surrounded by all my beloved ones. I recovered at such speed that even doctors where surprised. This stubborn and obstinate Capricornian showed the benefits of such characteristics. I couldn’t take care of myself during my recovery, so as I lived alone I moved on to my parents house.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">I had to concentrate in getting better while we waited for the biopsy results. It took a long time to be ready and at last the worst suspicion was confirmed. I had an Epithelial Mesothelioma in my left pleura. In other words, cancer.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">The upside of it was that I didn’t have any symptoms of the disease and that it was a very strange type of tumor, of slow growth. The downside was that because it was a strange type there were just a few possible treatments. Science didn’t know as much about as it does about other types of cancers. Doctors couldn’t guess how long I had been living with this tumor and how many more years I could live.</span></span><br />
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<a href="http://journeyofthewhitedragon.blogspot.com/2012/11/the-treatment.html"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">>> Chapter 05: The treatment</span></span></a>Carla Carpossihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05278749476944164355noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-601232898531682752.post-2020792534475330502012-11-09T20:59:00.002-03:002012-11-11T23:59:23.722-03:00The treatment<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">With the diagnosis on my hand I went to see an oncologist to start a treatment that could save my life. He proposed to start with 3 cycles of chemotherapy, one every 3 weeks. Not only I had a strange type of cancer but also it had spread all around my pulmonary artery and aorta, making it impossible to operate on. The idea with the chemo was to reduce the size of the tumor for surgery.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">I felt in a rollercoaster or in a dark tunnel were I couldn’t see the exit. My only choice was to surrender to uncertainty.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Each chemotherapy session lasted 6 hours. The drugs are extremely harmful and end ruining the veins; therefore, the doctors put a portacath on my chest. It’s a titanium gadget placed below the skin through which they provide the drugs, preserving the arm’s veins.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Once more, my family and friends were there to hold my hand. Since one person at a time could stay with me during chemo sessions, they would take shifts in order to keep me company. We would talk about happy things during those hours at the hospital just to make the process easier.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">The attitude with which one faces hard times makes all the difference. We can’t change reality, but we can face it with a negative attitude or put the best in ourselves in order to face it in the most constructive way. Try to learn something positive out of it, to connect with the deepest and most spiritual essence of oneself. Reach those inner and unknown areas of oneself that makes us stronger and understand, in the whole meaning of it, that we are just passing by on life. Nobody is free of suffering, but even in hard times we can have moments of deep happiness.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">At the same time that the chemotherapy treatment was weakening my health (ironic, but true), as a consequence of the terrible side effects, and my physical pain was increasing day after day, week after week, month after month, I was becoming spiritually stronger. It was amazing how despite my weight loss and all the negative side effects everybody perceived a bright aura around me and saw me full of light. I am touched when I remember the words of someone who didn’t know I was ill and told me I looked extremely happy and shiny, as he never saw me before. What he saw on me was my spiritual awakening, my desire to be healthy again and my acceptance of the reality I had at that time.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">I never thought, “Why me?” On the contrary, I thought, “Why not me? What can I learn from this?” From the beginning I took it humbly and I never thought cancer as an enemy. I felt hate didn’t have place in this battle. My healing had to be by means of love and positive thinking. I never gave up. Of course I had a bad time and suffered, but love and the powerful energy of my circle of love had the force of a hurricane. The true liberation came to me when I understood I had to let go. Let go on everything on which I didn’t have any control, let go the inevitable, dive into the experience without resisting the flow. What a relief to realize all these! I didn’t want to die. I wanted to live. But by deeply understanding that we are all going to die, that no one can buy time and that there’s no control over all this, I lost a great amount of fear. I was determined not to think about how long I was going to live (what a waste of time it would be!) but instead, to live thoroughly and focused on what’s really important to me, every day of my life.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">When people told me that, despite what I was going through, they saw me glittering I ironically answered, “That’s because cancer suits me very well”. Behind the joke there was a big truth. By means of cancer, life gave me a second chance... to learn, to wake up, to reorganize my scale of values, to deepen my bond of love with my family and friends. All of us had a second chance through my illness. Not always life offers this gift. We were lucky.</span></span><br />
<br />
<a href="http://journeyofthewhitedragon.blogspot.com/2012/11/bad-news-time-to-get-hold-of-situation.html"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">>> Chapter 06: Bad news, time to get hold of the situation</span></span></a>Carla Carpossihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05278749476944164355noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-601232898531682752.post-32494367312828678072012-11-09T20:56:00.001-03:002012-11-10T14:24:07.936-03:00Bad news, time to get hold of the situation<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">During my chemotherapy sessions I would improvise some visualization exercises. I would talk to the tumor, without feelings of hate or resentment, but with pure love. I requested it to leave my body, to leave peacefully. I imagined a lot of light filling my thorax with vital energy, occupying the spaces that the tumor left empty.</span></span><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"> </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Once a week I had reiki sessions. I clearly felt how I recovered and recycled my energy. Every now and then I shared with a friend some visualization exercises, some meditation and breathing techniques. I also continued practicing yoga every time my health allowed me.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">After 2 months of chemotherapy, it was time to see the results. I went to see my oncologist with the tomography exam. My parents and my beloved cousin Mauricio came with me. I was anxious to know the result and I fantasized that so much suffering with the chemos would give the magical result of making the tumor disappear.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Reality struck me again. The tumor had not shrunk. It was the exact size as before. The oncologist kept telling me to see the positive side of it, which was that it didn’t spread. I could only focus on my frustration after such a big effort done with chemos. I was devastated and feared I was not going to heal. Chemotherapy didn’t reduce the tumor; therefore, they couldn’t operate me. I was condemned to live all my life with the tumor inside of me, begging it didn’t grow, going through periodical medical examinations and trying different and eventually new drugs in order to try to control the cancer from spreading.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">I felt at a dead end street, but I wasn’t going to stay passive waiting to see what would happen. I had to lead my own way, dig everywhere possible until I found a better solution. It was a matter of life or death, literally speaking.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">I decided to seek advice from another doctor, one of the most prestigious oncologists in Argentina. I went to see him carrying my luggage full of tomographies, x-rays, blood tests and all sorts of medical exams I accumulated along those 5 months since this trip started. The doctor recommended doing 3 more chemotherapy sessions and then evaluate the possibility of surgery. As I heard those words I trembled. Mixed emotions overtook me. On one hand, I was devastated by the idea of going through chemo again. On the other hand, a sparkle of hope lit again with the possibility of a surgery.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">All of a sudden I knew I had the strength and tenacity to bear it, so I accepted the challenge once again.</span></span><br />
<br />
<a href="http://journeyofthewhitedragon.blogspot.com/2012/11/new-breeze-and-hope-renewed.html"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">>> Chapter 07: New breeze and hope renewed</span></span></a><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"></span></span>Carla Carpossihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05278749476944164355noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-601232898531682752.post-55065109210285025332012-11-09T20:53:00.001-03:002012-11-10T14:23:27.295-03:00New breeze and hope renewed<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">These three new chemotherapy sessions were with a different drug that brought me less side effects than the previous ones. Just some fatigue, minor muscular pain and a slight loss of appetite. My defenses kept pretty much high so I could continue with a few activities. My digestive system collapsed after my first 3 chemos, but now I was able to drink my “graviola” and my chinese tea “radix astragali” again. A doctor dedicated to alternatives therapies gave me these two natural medicines. They are well known for their antitumoral properties. It was a great incentive being able to drink them again. Facing such critical situations in life, one holds on to different things apart from traditional medicine. There are lots of resources that, no matter how ridiculous they sound, help very much. Maybe because they are truly effective or maybe because of the faith one deposits in them... Never mind, it all helps and it’s good to be open to other possibilities.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">December arrived, Christmas and New Year and then my birthday on January 10th. It was a period of the year full of celebrations so I would alternate chemo sessions with parties. Of course, every time my defenses allowed me. Chemotherapy treatments damage the immunological system and one may be vulnerable to catch viruses or bacteria that could complicate health and risk the continuity of the treatment itself. So, having the approval of my doctors, I would go to a couple of parties to recycle my energy with some music, dancing and nice people.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">For my birthday I decided to celebrate despite everything, or better said, precisely because of everything... Celebrate with joy and happiness that I was alive, surrounded by my beloved ones and that I wanted to live. As I always did, celebrate present time with all it’s complexities and challenges, with all its uncertainties and downsides, but appreciating and celebrating this wonderful and mysterious life with its Pandora box.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">I took my friends to a korean karaoke right in the korean neighborhood of Buenos Aires. It was an extremely warm night of February 2012, a hilarious and magical night that we will never forget. We gathered that night, singing, dancing and laughing, leaving our rationality aside and we were pure souls, pure positive energy, willing to celebrate precisely for everything.<br /> </span></span><br />
<a href="http://journeyofthewhitedragon.blogspot.com/2012/11/with-renewed-energy-struggle-goes-on.html"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">>> Chapter 08: With renewed energy the struggle goes on</span></span></a>Carla Carpossihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05278749476944164355noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-601232898531682752.post-6419615101997584342012-11-09T20:49:00.002-03:002012-11-10T14:22:36.147-03:00With renewed energy the struggle goes on<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">End of January 2012. Time for a new round of tomography and medical examinations after my 6th chemo session. The words I heard from the oncologist were exactly the same as with the previous tomography, “the tumor didn’t shrink, but it didn’t grow either, which is good”. “It didn’t shrink” were the words that kept bouncing in my head. I was becoming resigned to the idea of sharing my life with the tumor for the rest of my days, begging that my health could hold on until some new medical treatment was discovered for my cancer. But right away, my doctor said the words I had been dreaming of, “we will try to operate you despite the tumor didn’t shrink”.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">More and more medical examinations, x-rays, P.E.T., blood tests, lung tests of all kinds and a new appointment with the surgeon. Confirmed, they were going to operate me. My physical condition and my age were on my side. I could face this complex surgery, consisting in removing my left pleura (tissue surrounding the lung). They would try to preserve my lung, but there was a chance that they had to remove it. They might also had to remove one rib to have a better access to my thorax cavity during the intervention and maybe, as well, remove part of my diaphragm, which would be replaced by a prosthesis.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">The surgeon finished the consultation telling me, “Carla, the decision of going through surgery or not is yours”. My first reaction was of complete happiness because of the hope it gave me to have the tumor removed. Then fear and doubts overtook me. In the cost/benefit equation, was it justified taking the risk of losing my left lung, diaphragm and rib?</span></span><br />
<br />
<a href="http://journeyofthewhitedragon.blogspot.com/2012/11/the-big-bet.html"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">>> Chapter <span style="font-size: small;">0</span>9: <span style="font-size: small;">The big bet</span></span></span></a><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"> </span></span>Carla Carpossihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05278749476944164355noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-601232898531682752.post-11229975032260629072012-11-09T20:36:00.001-03:002012-11-12T00:24:31.508-03:00The big bet<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">We scheduled the surgery for March 20th, although they had to change the date 3 times giving me 1 month and a half to process it internally and prepare myself psychical and emotionally.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">During that period I walked along a road full of doubts and fears. I had to get ready for the most radical alternative and get to be strong since only when I woke up I would know how radical the surgery had been and if I still had my two lungs or only one left. I also knew that they were not going to be able to remove the entire tumor. Given its highly compromised location all around the pulmonary artery and aorta and the risk of death it implied touching that area, they would not be able to remove the tumor completely.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">I asked myself many times if I was really determined to make that bet. I meditated a lot, spoke with my family, with my friends, with my doctors, I even visited a “chamana”. I browsed through it thoroughly until I cleared all my doubts. I knew what my reality was, my chances and the cards I had in my hands.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">The day I visited the Chamana we worked deeply in all these issues. Shamanism connects with the ancestral and most primitive, with everything that<span style="font-size: small;"> </span>modern society forgot. And in that universe it is said that each person has a power animal. An animal with similar characteristics as oneself acting as a protector and an amplifier of gifts and capabilities. My power animal, the White Dragon, visited us that afternoon and let me know that, if I decided to go through surgery, it would stay with me in the operating room, holding my hand and giving me support. That day of shamanism I cried a lot, tears that cleansed my soul, calming down my fears. It was one of those days in my life in which I deepest felt inner peace. I could feel the warmth of the sun at sunrise caressing my face and I felt connected to the whole universe in deep harmony. I could perceive the love surrounding me and I cried with joy and happiness. The decision was taken. I accepted to be operated. Everything was fine, everything was going to be all right.</span></span><br />
<br />
<a href="http://journeyofthewhitedragon.blogspot.com/2012/11/pure-magic.html"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">>> Chapter 10: Pure magic</span> </span></span></a>Carla Carpossihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05278749476944164355noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-601232898531682752.post-38366720806826400972012-11-09T20:18:00.000-03:002012-11-12T00:29:08.685-03:00Pure magic<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"> The big day arrived. April 12th 2012. I went to the hospital together with my parents, brother, sister-in-law and cousin. My whole family. We were calm and optimistic. We had to wait several hours. I wasn’t scared at all. My mother stayed with me while I was getting dressed for the surgery, once more. When they were just about to take me into the operating room, lying down in the stretcher, I held my mother’s hand and told her, “Mom, I’m very calm, so I want all of you to be calm as well”. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">I entered the operating room with a deep feeling of serenity and peace. I was in the best hands. I relaxed and let go. Whatever the result, it would be the best possible one. It was not in my hands. I let myself be rocked by the anesthesia with deep surrender. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Upon awakening, already in Intensive Therapy Unit, my parents, surgeon and oncologist visited me. All of them smiling and euphoric. Still under the effects of the anesthesia and opiate painkillers, I couldn’t understand what they were saying to me. What I did understand was that there were good news. Only the day after I knew... They were able to remove the whole tumor and preserved my lungs, diaphragm and rib. Not even the doctors could believe such a success. We learned then that the chemotherapy had worked silently. It couldn’t be seen in the tomographies because the tumor always appeared in the same size, but it had killed the cancerous cells and stopped them from spreading. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Definitely, the universe conspired on my side. The White Dragon had cuddled me, illuminating all of us with its light of vital energy. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">My family and friends were happy and relieved. On the contrary, I still had to focus on my recovery after surgery. I spent 5 long days in Intensive Therapy Unit. With only a couple of hours a day of visits allowed, loneliness and atemporality of that room played some bad tricks on my mind. I will be forever grateful to the nurses who were my caretakers and guardian angels. Specially Félix, who bathed me every morning in bed, since I couldn’t move. He would listen to me and spoke with encouraging words making my mind return to calm waters. It’s not easy to be lying down in an Intensive Care bed, plugged in to several machines all around my body and without the warmth of my beloved ones. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">But all things pass and on the fifth day I was moved to a regular room. It had a big window with a beautiful view and loads of natural light. I could be visited all day long and, once again, the love of my people gave me strength. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">I spent 13 days in hospital, with 2 drainage tubes right into my thorax. During this post surgery period another chapter started in this story. The one in which I had to accommodate my mind to such a good and unexpected news. It was by far the best possible scenario and, as twisted as it sounds, I had to get used to it. Everything I had been said for months about my future living with cancer had been transformed. Now a bright new future awaited, one full of life and hope. Leaving behind the condition of being ill changed everything around me. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">As if all the good news weren’t enough, the anatomical pathology (lab analysis of the tumor removed in surgery) showed that there remained no trace of cancerous cells. The surgeon closed our last meeting saying, “Carla, now go out and get drunk and celebrate!” Then, the oncologist told me, “It couldn't possibly be better, so don’t bother us any more with this!” I love the sense of humor. It’s healing. It was a very important resource for me during all the process of my illness. I used to laugh and joke about myself even in the worst moments. Having doctors with great sense of humor helped me cope with it all. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">I didn’t beat death. We all know that nobody beats it. Sooner or later it wins. What I won is this huge battle, but the most important thing is that life gave me a second chance. I won the chance to grow up, to connect with the deepest and most genuine part of myself. I was able to rearrange my scale of values and understand which things are really important to me. I had the chance to prove the immense amount of love we have among each other with my family and friends and shout it out loud for everybody to hear it. I could prove that energy is powerful and healing. I deeply understood that life is right here right now. That it’s good to have dreams and plans, but always knowing that nothing is granted. I don’t take things for granted any more and I learned that uncertainty is part of life. I learned that we can be happy and joyful even during the most difficult and hostile moments in life. I toast to all this... Cheers!</span></span>Carla Carpossihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05278749476944164355noreply@blogger.com2